….it’s been over a month now since my downward slide into darkness and thoughts of suicide.
Today, I feel so much more alive and in tune with life in general despite having to deal with mom in the hospital and a new job. Things are looking so much better these days, with my future intact and my goals now clearer.
I always dread these times. Much as I try, I often take steps to prevent this, because I KNOW what the end result is and it’s often death. I dont ever want to take my own life, but to be honest, the pain, the loneliness, the despair of this disorder gets the better of me and it is hard to get out of it.
My saving grace is my friends and family. I’m glad I reached out for help and those who responded are going to be my friends for life (screw the rest who didn’t bother). Family on the other hand….well, you know we’re stuck with them! Not one of them responded on the blog, but in real life, the one that really got to me was my son’s wife, even though my son, really got my butt moving to the ER, his wife came up to me and without a word, hugged me really hard. That was what I needed the most, to be reminded that even if we don’t get along, the love is still there. It’s funny because my son’s wife hardly ever talks with me in the 10 years I have known her.
For those who also have to deal with being bipolar, the ‘psychic’ pain can be seriously overwhelming and simple things like a hug or acknowledgment of this is usually what helps to bring about change and bring back the individual to their former self.
Much as the internet has been a big boon to the deaf community, it’s the actual physical connection that works best. I have done so much research on bipolarism, contact people who understand this disorder and read articles after articles, even though it helps to educate myself, it’s not enough. My son’s wife’s hug was the biggest breakthrough for me, and it can be as simple as a stranger coming up to you asking if you are okay. Even the police, when they are called in situations like this, the concern on their face is heart-touching.
To my friends who took the time to check me out, and reach back, you have my heartfelt thanks for a life saved, and a mind preserved! Love you all!
4 Comments
It comes to show us that love or care comes from unexpected people/places. I’m glad your daughter in law gave you that glimmer of hope.
hang in there, pal, just hang in there.
And she also gave you her gift, even when she was not able to talk to you (maybe unsure on how), she sure does know how to communicate otherwise.
Thanks Cher….appreciate this.
Yeah, its funny, but the simple things in life is often the most profound.
My son came to visit, and for the first time he is starting to get what I am. (I think). Important thing is communication. sigh!
little gestures can mean the world and yet, not enough people are brave enough to reach out… it makes me happy that your daughter in law was brave enough.
emailing you soon
Thanks comrade. I know what you mean. I try to explain to my family, but you know, I guess after years of dealing with my mood swings, they are just burned out.