It’s the isolation, the solitude, the aloneness when your mind starts to do funny things to you, say things that are old, or long long ago forgotten. It brings back negative thinking and then becomes even more isolating because no one wants to hear what your mind is saying…only a therapist…and who can afford one, especially a lousy hearing therapist who has no concept of the ‘deaf’ experience.

I need one desperately. I dont know what to do, how to go about getting one over VP. Since I live in a town that tends to call deaf “death” or the nearest deaf friendly therapist is in another state.

It’s the iolation of feeling like the only intelligent deaf in my neighborhood. I just dont care to be around people whos biggest excitement is the local baseball team and what other deaf people do or worst-the backstabbing, gossiping, malicious behavior. I want to be around great minds.

It’s the isolation of family, who has their own lives to live, and is tired of being around me that sometimes I feel like they tolerate me. They say they love me but I can’t feel it. I SO want to feel or understand what their love is like. All I usually see is they are upset with me or mad at me.

It’s the isolation of not being able to be fully 100% honest in public…to see all the masks everyone is wearing and know its not real. So many of them have grotesques mask…plastic, unexpressive and frozen.

The friends I cherish. They want so bad to understand me, but I can see it in their eyes, they can only go so far, then they have to return to their lives.

It’s the pain, the sorrow of being alone, so deep, sometimes I just want to hurt myself so I can feel I’m still alive and living in a REAL world. People say cherish this time, because later you will be busy.

It’s the isolation of this time that I fear, because it always comes back to pain, nothing but numbing and painful ache, deep and dark.