I feel Antsy….nervous like I’m on edge and can’t seem to stop it. I just learned it’s called Anxiety. I have heard this word so many many many times, but never really related until now. My son managed to get me some xanax from his sister in law but for two days I took it, NOTHING happened. Didn’t even relax me or calm me down. In fact it just got worst.

I, then decided, after quitting the use of a herbal substance, to go back to it and presto, calm and clear headed. What really gets to me is this stuff is illegal and yet, it is the only thing that will control my anxiety and constant crying. Finally got me to focus on my work and my environment. Says a lot about the legalization that is needed for this kind of medication.

Yes, there are going to have to be changes and one of them is moving out to an environment very, very conductive and receptive to the likes of me. In other words, just time to move on…even though the idea of losing family scares me, it did make me think one thing…what have I got to lose? I spend ten years trying to hook up with family and I’m still in the same place I was ten years ago. The hell with them. MY family is the people who want to be with me and I with them.

One thing for sure, it’s gonna hurt like hell!