I am right now in the depressive end of being bipolar. What that means is that the mania is non-existence and life is a dark circle of trying to pull oneself up by the bootstraps.

I started new medication that is suppose to elevate my depression because the bipolar meds I’m taking is keeping me on the down low. I hate the thought of having to once again find the right combination to get me back into my normal state. This is not an immediate result but may take a few years to really stablize. Sheesh, being in the mid-50’s I AM tired!

I’m getting older, my life situation is changing (hopefully for the better) and Im constantly overwhelmed with making the changes from where I live in the midwest to a western state. It will be like going home, but we all know that famous line “You cant go home again”, Living in the midwest is hard especially when living in a town where you’re the only deafie. I will be going from zero to 60 in a couple of months and am not sure of how I will be.

Yes, that is life! We all experience changes whether we like it or not. For me it means becoming uncomfortable again so I can learn. Perhaps its in the cards for me to see from a different perspective. It does make me depressed. I try to remind myself there is a LOT to be grateful for, because a lot of people are going through hard economic times not to mention their living situations are horrendous. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m fortunate to be living in America, not in China or Africa where a lot of people are really having difficulty with their living situation. I AM fortunate.

I can’t wait to get into therapy and start talking, because ten years of holding a lot inside of me has become too much and this is why I’m depressed. I feel very alone,